Monday, October 14, 2013

The wedding that wasn't...

So yesterday was supposed to be my wedding day but things fell apart about 9 months ago and I had no idea it would ever get to the point where the wedding just wouldn't happen until about 3 months ago. I kept telling myself the financial situation would iron itself out but sadly, it never did.

Of course the future Hubs has been super supportive and is saying all the right things but that doesn't make it less painful. Last week, if I heard the expression "it all happens for a reason" or something along those lines, one more time, I was going to scream. Because, yes, you are stating the obvious, there's a reason behind why we didn't get married, I just don't want to be constantly reminded of it. And I certainly wasn't feeling up to hearing someone else's upbeat attitude about it. I wanted to wallow. Even if just for a little while.

I'm off the next two days because this was supposed to be our mini honeymoon so I'm sitting at home, writing a blog entry and trying to be crafty and keep my mind off things. So far, it's working alright, I guess. Ask me again tomorrow.

As for the rest of my life, I really think I need to start seeing a professional (read: therapist). I don't really have anyone to talk to so I come here and write hoping that will make me feel better. At least for now. Until, I can afford to see someone. All the anxiety/stress/depression, etc I have experienced lately is all coming to a head. I feel like I could explode at any moment and not be 100% sure of what might come out. I'm so grateful to the Future Hubs for making me laugh on a daily basis and reminding me why I want to marry him so badly. To take a quote from my "friends" lately the timing just wasn't right. For whatever reason, it just wasn't meant to be right now. It's all for the best. Cliche, cliche, cliche.

Yep, still wallowing. Okay, seriously, must stop. I'm not married, so what? We're still together, we're still in love, we still intend to get married at some point. I just really wanted to show him off to my friends and family in wear a badass dress and throw a killer party. But I guess that will have to wait until the Universe is ready.