Sunday, August 26, 2012

A nightmare...

Had a crazy dream last night that our wedding was a complete disaster. It started with me walking around the venue in my wedding dress, frantically searching for my fiance and then my bridesmaids. While searching, I was asked to start walking down the aisle, however, there were 16 other brides walking at the same time. Apparently, our venue was seriously over-booked. I didn't recognize a single guest in the crowd. This made me crazy nervous to the point where I refused to walk.

I went to the theater next door (where in reality we are having our reception) only to find it has been converted into a basketball court where all of the groomsmen are now playing a pick-up game. Fiance still nowhere to be found. Oh and all the bridesmaids are MIA as well.

Woke up freaking out that I had forgotten to hire an officiant, lost my groom, my bridesmaids and my mind all in one day.

Thank goodness, I have over a year to plan this thing and hopefully none of those scary bits will come true.


I wrote the fiance an email this morning that I hope came as a total surprise as it was written on the fly with no intention of eliciting any kind of response whatsoever. I just wanted to send him something nice to remind him of how I feel about him. It might sound ridiculous but sometimes we all need a reminder, even when we already know how the other person feels.

But as a writer, I have to admit, I hope he liked it. I crave a good critique occasionally. I miss writing for a living and am desperate for someone to tell me whether or not I am even still any good.

I found myself bragging to him the other night about how when I worked for the newspaper, I have 3 bylines on the front page of one issue. That was a good career day. But it never happened again. Not because the boss didn't believe in me or anything like that. It just wasn't the best time. And  I respected that decision. Now, I question it if only because who knows how different my journalistic career/life would have been had I continued down that path. Then again, if my career was different, would I have met this wonderful man and been planning the most awesome wedding in the world? I truly don't know. But I'm certainly not going to dwell on it.

For now, I'll just keep writing and scoping out potential writing opportunities. You never know when something could happen.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Google Chrome - My New BFF...

My luck, just about the time I really start loving Google Chrome, they will decide to de-activate it or something. But seriously, Chrome is the BEST web browser on the planet. Of course, that's just my opinion and who really cares about my opinion since I'm not an IT person or work in the business.

But my fiance does. Does that count? He's the one who turned me on to it anyway. So blame him if I won't shut up about how wonderful it is and for once I found a dumbass-friendly web browser that yes, even I can use. Wait, I guess I'm not that much of a dumbass given I have quite an extensive history with computers. But again, I digress (btw, I digess A LOT, I think it's my new favorite word/activity, that is before I met Good Chrome *sigh*).

Oh and I'm a dork. Have I mentioned that? Perhaps it goes without saying. Or should I say it again? I'm a dork. And while I may not have been officially "diagnosed" with ADD or ADHD per se, I think I might have it some days because seriously, this word vomit has me all kinds of off track.

Where was I? Oh right, talking about my new boyfriend, Chrome. I'd give him a sexy nickname but for now, Chrome will just have to do. If it didn't seem wrong to want to jump his bones given that he's an inanimate object (not even actually an object at all) I'd probably be all over it/him/her. Do web browsers have a gender? We're going with "him."

Yep,  I'm in love. Again. Google Chrome, you are my boyfriend.  'Nuff said.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Words, Words, Words...

I've become recently re-obsessed (is that even a word) with words. I've been playing two games, Fightin' Words and Words with Friends that are really bringing this out of me. I want to have a regular game night that includes Scrabble, however, no one ever wants to play with me because they assume I'm a great speller (being a former journalist, Journalism-degree holding, wordsmith) and of course, they are right. But that doesn't mean I would win. Does it?

No, it doesn't. Actually, I lose on both of these games. A LOT. It's sad because I pride myself on my spelling (it's one of my best qualities). Hell, if I wasn't already engaged to be married, I would totally include it in my next personal ad. But I digress.

I'm off to play another round of games. Or not. It's quite a quandary. Yep, I'm the Queen of the 10 cent Words.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

I feel happy! I feel happy!

Spending time staring at a blank screen just waiting for inspiration to come is no way to spend your time. And yet, I did this several times this weekend. I decided instead to just start writing, word vomit/stream of consciousness or not. Just write.

More than anything, I want to be published again. Maybe not in the way I was before (e.g. magazines and newspapers) but more of a novel-writing or e-publishing way. I'm just not sure where to begin. I've always loved writing and found it to be my favorite creative outlet. However, I find myself constantly hindered by my lack of ideas. At least the kind of ideas that have a beginning, middle and ending. Yeah, that makes writing rather difficult. This entry is an example of that hindrance. It must stop. 

I have been out of the writing loop for nearly 6 years now. While I've attempted to maintain some form of blog during that time, I've lost the inspiration I once had to write on a whim and form complete, coherent sentences. I think this even comes off in my speech sometimes. My co-workers look at my like I'm crazy. I can't seem to complete a thought. I'm quite the scatter brain. 

Maybe with my free time on nights and weekends, in between looking for a second job and wedding planning, I will start writing on a daily basis. I've had several people suggest that I just write something, anything to just get out there every day. So that's what I'm going to go with. Now, if I can just remember to write everyday we'll be golden. Yeah, that's the tricky part. 

I've really changed these last few years. I've met the love of my life, lost nearly 70 pounds, gained my energy back, found a way to get a full 8 hours of sleep every night (bless the Bi-Pap machine), learned to listen more and talk less (something I've always struggled with), finally getting back into cooking and baking and trying to have more fun and take a few things less seriously/personally. This makes for a much more interesting life. And far less stressful. Huzzah!

In the end, I'm happy with where my life is, but I want more. So I'm going to start with my writing and see where it takes me.

Perhaps the stream should just end there. For now.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Wedding dress woes...

I am having a far more difficult time finding a wedding dress than I thought I would. I know exactly the style I want but no one seems to carry any in the Dallas area that I can go and try on. That's super frustrating when all I really want to know is if I can even pull off this style of dress.

It's been nearly 10 years (possibly longer than that) since I've worn any kind of dress. I want to try and change that. I bought a pair of Spanx in the hopes that it would make it easier for me to wear one as I am quite the plump lady. Yeah, I couldn't even get the stupid things on, let alone get a skirt/dress on over it.

So I'm stuck. I really want a particular kind of dress. I won't go into too much detail here given that my darling fiance reads this blog and wants to do the traditional route and know nothing of the dress beforehand.

Part of me wishes I could design something myself but I can't sew or draw.

Needless to say, I'm annoyed.

I know my dress is out there, maybe it will find me someday. Or maybe a seamstress with big dreams will find me.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Where to begin?

As I kick off this blog, I will start off by saying that I had a pretty awesome day that included playing with my two beautiful nieces, an evening of officially picking our wedding venue and now has eased into a late night of blogging, drinking coffee and possibly watching a movie on Netflix. 

This is my life and it doesn't suck.